Dust will keep, babies won't
“Cleaning and scrubbing can wait for tomorrow,
For babies grow up, I’ve learned, to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep.”
Author Unknown
When we first came home from the hospital with Jac, my role as mama seemed very clear: Breastfeed, breastfeed, breastfeed; change diapers; do anything necessary to get Jac to sleep; recover from the c-section; love love love this precious little baby. Then after two weeks of paternity leave, my husband went back to work.
This seemed to be my time to shine in my new role of stay at home mama. Breastfeeding was slowly, but surely getting easier, so I thought I could handle being alone with Jac all day pretty well. I was right. I was loving every millisecond with my beautiful boy and taking care of his basic needs well. What I hadn't accounted for was how much non-baby stuff my husband, Jeff, had been doing, and what a great start my pre-baby nesting craze had given us. Jeff had cooked and frozen a bunch of meals during my final month of pregnancy, but I realized that those frozen meals were now running out.
How was I supposed to take care of a newborn and feed myself three healthy meals quickly and easily? And wait, where did all of the groceries go? And what were those little clouds of cat hair doing floating by my baby's sanitized toys? And speaking of cats, is that their litter box I smelled? And how did all of the outfits that actually fit me in this weird post-pregnancy body wind up in the hamper?
I started panicking a bit. I had been patting myself on the back for doing well with taking care of Jac, but how was I supposed to find time to do everything else? I never had this problem before while working full time during my entire adult life...
Then I realized the circumstances were not the same. Taking care of Jac was literally a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week job. I had never worked even close to that many hours before. Also, I had never worked from home full time before. The more time you spend at home, the more cleaning and eating at home needs to take place.
I started overanalyzing my role and launching into late night diatribes to my husband when I should have been grabbing extra minutes of sleep. What is my role? Every other job I've ever had came with a job description. I could check off my completed tasks and set manageable goals easily. Now I didn't know who I was. Am I a stay at home mama and a housewife? Since Jeff had the stress of supporting our family on a single income, shouldn't he come home to dinner on the table and a sparkling house because the domain of the home was now my responsibility?
I started "reporting for duty" to Jeff as I called it every chance I got. I would instant message him as I was nursing Jac to let him know that I actually put laundry in the washing machine. I emailed him to let him know I had completed online grocery shopping (Thank you, Peapod!) for the week. When he asked how my day was, I listed any accomplishment that fell outside the realm of taking care of Jac, including the most mundane things like showering and feeding the poor, ignored cats.
Gradually, I woke up and realized a few key things: I had married an openminded, progressively thinking, kindhearted partner; not a Leave It To Beaver, 1950s husband. All he wanted was for me to do my best with taking care of Jac. I also started to realize how fast babyhood goes (stay tuned for my lamentations on this topic in future posts). Why would I waste my time trying to accomplish a ridiculous list of household tasks when I had this rare opportunity to experience the miracle of almost every moment of my darling child's infancy? I'm a neat and aware person. I pick up after myself, and I wouldn't start binging on marshmallows just because there wasn't a flow of beautiful, home cooked meals flying through the kitchen.
I wish I had seen the quote that opens this post 6.5 months ago. It's wisdom speaks volumes. Luckily, I figured it out for myself in enough time not to miss out on enjoying all of the tiny and amazing early moments with Jac. Can I see some Christmas tree needles on the floor right now? Yes. Do I see the recycling coming over the top of the bin? Yes. Do I really care that much? A little, but not as much as I used to. Am I about to pick up my baby boy and give him a big smooch and watch his eyes light up? You bet!
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| Jeff, Jac, Auntie MeMe, and I this past weekend |
